Adult Jokes

Lots of Funny Adult Jokes

adult jokes

Lots of adult jokes for you to peruse

Little Red Riding Hood
Little Red Riding Hood was getting ready to go and visit her grandmother in the forest

Virgin Bride
A woman, getting married for the fourth time, goes to a bridal shop and asks for a white

Teacher Plays Animal Game
One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a picture of a giraffe

Pete and Dave
Pete walks into a bar and sees Dave sitting at the end of the bar counter with a great

Circus Animal Trainer Act
Last time the circus came to town, an ad for an animal trainer was placed in the local

Carlos calls his boss
Carlos calls his boss in the morning:

"Ey, boss I no come work today I really

Police officers George and Mary
Police officers George and Mary and their police dog had been assigned to walk a beat.

Older lady and an Older gentleman
A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an older lady and an older gentleman

Spot The Dog
A young man was delighted to finally be asked home to meet the parents of the young woman

Going to a Halloween party
A couple are going to a Halloween party and the girls comes down the stairs wearing

A girl about to tie the knot
A girl is about to tie the knot, and she is watching her
mother bake biscuits in the

Once upon a time in China
Once upon a time in China, lived two Chinamen. One named I Cum and one named No cum. No

A man walks into a bar
A man walks into a bar and asks for a beer.
After drinking it, he looks in his shirt

Little Johnny in class
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day.
On this particular day, the teacher

Two old men in a bar
Two old men were sitting in a bar, discussing their wives.

The first said,

Lulu was a prostitute
Lulu was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to know.

One day, the

A game at bedtime
An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying in bed for a
few minutes the

A teacher in class
A teacher asks her class to use the word 'contagious' in a sentence.

Andy, the

2 old-maid sisters
There were 2 old-maid sisters... both virgins. It's Friday night and Gladys looks at

A kid comes home from school
A kid comes home from school and says to his mom,

"Mom I've got a problem."

Climbing the ladder of success
Joe was walking along the road when he found a ladder leading into the clouds.

In mourning
Karen lost her husband almost four years ago and still hasn?t gotten
out of her

Gynaecological joke
A gorgeous woman went to a gynecologist. The doctor took one look at her and all his

If you think your life is bad ........
if u think life is bad, imagine being an egg, u only get laid once, u only get smashed

Dear doctor
Dear Doctor,

I wish to apply for an operation to make me sterile. My reasons

Buy the lady a drink
A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a
Bar in Dublin. She

No 69
A man goes to a disco and starts chatting up a very attractive looking Chinese girl.

Nudist colony
An elderley` man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day there he takes

Wife goes to school
A woman enroled in nursing school is attending an anatomy class.

The subject

Definitely
One day the teacher wanted the class to use the word definitely in a sentence. Suzy

Oooops!!!
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blond woman wave at him and say

How to wave a towel
A farmer married an attractive woman half his age. After several months on the farm, she

Life support drama
Doris has been on a life support machine for nearly a year now and Bob, her husband, has

A gay man ...
A gay man, finally deciding he could no longer hide his sexuality from his parents, went

Ventriloquist
A ventriloquist visiting Australia walks into a small outback village and sees a local

Two builders
Two builders (Dave and Stuart) are seated either side of a table in a rough pub when a

Condom factory vacancy
A fella goes for a job in the Quality Assurance department at Durex. The foreman takes

Dirty I.Q. Test
Check your Dirty IQ!


Questions:

1. When I go in I might cause

Prostitute
what do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?





Women
why do women have legs??







have ya seen

Fix the outhouse!
Aggie was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out. "Clar! You need to go out

Carmen
A man was sitting at the bar when he was approached by a beautiful young woman. He

A woman's prayer
My vibrator, which brings me heaven, Rabbit be thy name.

Till kingdom come,

Penis poem
My nookie days are ova, my pilot lite is out. wot used to be my sex appeal is now my

Dwarf
what does a dwarf get if he runs thru a womens legs?
a clit around the ear and a

Granny and Grandad
Granny and Grandad are sitting at the breakfast table. Granny says, 'Do you know that my

Blonde
a blonde and a brunnetee decide to rob a bank the brunnette explained whta the blonde is

Does your twat twitch
a recent study asked a group of women if their twat twitched after sex,98% said no he

Does your twat twitch
A recent study asked a group of women if their twat twitched after sex. 98% said no he

Blow up doll
i went to blackpool to buy a blow up doll with blond hair and big fanny when i got it

Chapter 12 (lets do it)
a preist was driving in his car when he saw a nun getting rejected by a taxi. He pulls

Strolling on the beach
A man was walking along the beach when he sees a blonde woman up ahead. Feeling horny he

Sex Club
A man has'nt had sex for years and he's fustrated so he tells his mate he has'nt had sex

Circumcised Man Goes To ASDA
A circumcised man goes into asda. and puts his penis on the convyer belt and says 'try

Man goes to Marks & Spencers
Man goes to Marks & Spencers to buy her wife a maternity bra.... Shop assistant ask`s

The doctor and the woman
A doctor was sick today and decided to take the day of, so a cover doctor takes his place

Lesbian Dinosaur?
what do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

A

BABY OR PUPPY
a liile boy walks in on his parents having sex. the little boy says what are use doing

Dirty poem
mary had a little twat, a teeny weeny hole, but johnny couldnt fit it in, his massive

2nothing
A drunk man enters a shop and asks for 2nothing.The worker gets confused and goes to his

Unibond
a man walks up 2 a girl in a nytclub and says hi my names bond girl replies dont tell me

GEOGRAPHY OF WOMAN
GEOGRAPHY OF WOMAN
Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa :
Half

Rich and Poor Man's Wedding Anniversary
There were two people; a rich man and a poor man, and today was their wives'

OOh Matron!
She asked him for a double entendre. So, he gave her

An older couple at an art exhibition
An older couple at an art exhibition, were staring at a painting that had them completely

Paddy dies whilst making love
Paddy dies whilst making love to his wife. A few days later the undertaker calls her and

A spare $10 to spend on a hooker
This guy has a spare $10 that he decides to spend on his first hooker ever.

Two hookers standing on a street corner
Two hookers were standing on a street corner ready for a night of business.

Little guy sitting inside a bar
There's this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink . He stays like

Showing Off?
Q: What’s the difference between love, true love, and showing off?
A: Spitting,

"What a coincidence"
A chicken farmer went to a local bar...sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of

Problem?
A man goes to the Doctor’s and says, "Doc, you gotta help me!"
The doctor says,

Stammer
A little old lady entered the sex shop and asked in a quivering voice, "Yy-young man,

Good nutrition
A lesbian goes to a nutritionist because she has indigestion.

The nutritionist

After sex....
A recent study asked a group of women if their cunts twitched after sex.

98%

Blue willies
Why do scotsmen have blue willies?

Because they are tight fisted

Revenge
A woman and her boyfriend are out having a few drinks. While they’re
sitting there

LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH'S
A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of

 
 

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