Relationship Jokes

Funeral expenses
FUNERAL COSTS


A woman's husband dies. He had left ?30,000 to be used

Is Mommy There?
"Hello?" the child says on the phone.

"Hi, honey, this is Daddy. Is Mommy

Men beware
It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them

Two cannibals
Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get

What I want in a man
Original List aged 20:
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially

Social Security
A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security.

Grandads death
Mary went to see her Granny to see how she was coping. Grandad had been buried only the

The loving hubby
A man was at the country club for his weekly round of golf. He began his round with an

Scottish wedding
Two Scots, Archie and Jock, are sitting in the pub discussing Jock's forthcoming

A trip to the zoo
A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo.

She was wearing a loose

Girls night out
Girls night out


Why females should avoid a girls night out after they

Aren't older women great?
When I was married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years

Male or Female?
You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male

The note
A gentleman asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an
attractive woman.

FBI recruiting
The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews, and

Blow job
Martha recently lost her husband.

She had him cremated and brought his ashes

Christmas Party
John woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache,

Comparing boyfriends
A Blond, Brunette and Red head are sat talking about their boyfriends.

They

Cannibal
What does a cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend?
WIPES HIS

7 types of sex
Recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex:

1. Smurf Sex. This kind

Can't afford beer anymore
She told me we couldn't afford
beer anymore and I'd have to quit.

Then I

Too sad
She told me we couldn't afford
beer anymore and I'd have to quit.

Then I

You can be the man
The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled "You Can Be the Man of Your

Beautiful wife
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be

so stupid and so

Drunk woman
A man and his wife sat a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at

Married life
I was in my back yard yesterday trying to fly a kite. I threw the kite
up in the

Ed Zachary disease
A woman was very distraught over the fact that she had not had a
date or any sex

The prescription
A lady walks into a drug store and tells the pharmacist she needs some cyanide. The

Mike and Karen
Mike was engaged to be married to Karen, so his father sat him down
for a little

Vegetable
Last night, my husband and I were sitting in
the living room and I said to him, 'I

Gorilla
It’s a beautiful, warm spring morning and a couple are spending the day at the zoo. She’s

The Love Dress
A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son's house. She knocked on
the door then

Slimer
My wife has just come from upstairs wearing her new green dress and asked which film star

Married life
A man met a beautiful girl and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She

Handstand
A man pulls wife into bedroom and rips off her clothes. "Please darling, do a handstand

Sad life?
Q: How do you know you’re leading a sad life?
A: When a nymphomaniac tells you,

How did I get here?
Last night Arran become puzzled about his origin."How did I get here,Dad".I replied,using

Gone fishing
A man called home to his wife and said, ' Honey I have
been asked to go fishing up

Fancy dress
A couple were having trouble picking outfits for Halloween.After a while the wife got mad

What do.....?
What does a clitoris, a birthday, an anniversary and a toilet have in

How to make the other sex happy
It's not difficult to make a woman happy..
A man only needs to

How not to wake your wife!
Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You

Women drivers
I saw my wife earlier, she ran out of my best friends house, half naked into the car and