Below are the list of jokes
A collection of random one liners
What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.
What does it mean when a....
Victoria Beckham and her driver
Victoria Beckham and her driver were cruising along a country road one evening when a cow....
Men are happier because ......
Men are just happier people. What do you expect from such simple creatures?....
Fast Policeman
ONE FAST POLICEMAN
ABOUT 3 A.M. ONE VERY COLD MORNING IN MARCH....
Paddy and the bath
Paddy went to DIY store and buys a bath.
Gets it home, fits it, fills it.
The....
Where does poo come from?
A little girl walks in to the lounge one Sunday morning while her Dad
is reading....
Scouse Eggs
Two Scousers are riding along the M62 from Manchester to Liverpool on a motorbike. They....
Tickle me elmo
There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo....
Perks of being over 50
PERKS OF BEING OVER 50
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in....
Party to remember
A couple was invited to a swanky masked Hallowe'en Party. She got a terrible headache and....
Irish hitch-hiker
This story happened about a year or two ago near Aughrim Co. Galway (Ireland), and even....
Eukanuba diet
I have 2 Labrador Retrievers & I was buying a large bag of Ekanuba at
Asda and was....
Twin confusion
Once there were two twins, Joe and John
Joe was the owner of a dilapidated old....
Lipstick
According to a news report, a certain private school recently was faced with a unique....
Tarzan
When Jane initially met Tarzan of the jungle, she was
attracted to him, and during....
The three bears
It's a sunny morning in the Big Forest, and the Bear family is just waking up.
Baby....
Modern medicine
A tiny dwarf woman goes to the doctors, complaining that her ladies bits....
The bottle opener
Two Irishmen go camping and pack a cooler with sandwiches and beers...
After....
Winnie
A group of kindergartners were trying very hard to become accustomed to the first grade.....
A fly
What do you call a fly without its wings?
a....
A Fish
What do you call a fish without any eyes?
A....
Egg head
A man was walking his dog in the park when he was approached by another man who....
Astronaut
WHAT DID NEIL ARMSTRONGS' WIFE GIVE HIM FOR BREAKFAST?
AN UNIDENTIFIED FRIED....
Corporate speak
What they say to us?
We're not passing the buck
We're empowering....
New shoes
Gennaro is in this country for only 6 months. He walks to work 20 blocks every day and....
Spaghetti
A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for several....
Mother knows best
A young man called Roger invited his mother for dinner.
During the course of the....
The elevator
A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this
HUGE black....
Two dwarves
Two dwarfs go to a bar and after a few drinks pick up two prostitutes and take them back....
Stars in their eyes
A young man walks onto the stage of Stars in their Eyes, on crutches, with a plaster cast....
Important questions
1 Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the
batteries are flat?....
Train set
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young....
Anne summers order reply
ANN SUMMERS LTD: thank you for your recent order. u askd for a large red vibrator as....
What's in a name?
A good looking man walked into an agent's office in Hollywood and said "I want to be a....
Signs you are too old for halloween
People say, "Great Keith Richards mask!"
and you're not wearing a....
AAADD
A. A. A. D. D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder
Recently, I was....
The knob
A woman in her forties went to a plastic surgeon for a facelift.
The surgeon told....
Little girl
There was a little girl
Who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her....
Deserted island
A married couple have been stranded on a deserted island for many years. One day another....
Beech or Birch?
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods.
A small tree begins....
The husband store
A store that sells husbands just opened in New York City, where a woman
may go to....
Lessening the repetition
The committe for the Reduction of Redundancy and the Antiproliferation of Repetion has....
Swimming Pool Joke
It's a busy day at the pool with 100's of people there. The Lifeguard goes up to this guy....
Growing up
I grew up in a tough area. When i was a kid, people used to cover me in
chocolate....
Cheese roll....
I was walking home last night and somebody threw grated cheese all over me. I thought....
Scottish water...
A man is cupping his hand to scoop water to drink from a Scottish Highland lake when a....
Government job....
A guy goes to the Government Office to apply for a job.
The interviewer asks....
Smoker
Once a smoker was smoking at the airport.....
A gentleman came and asked him, 'How....
Handyman
Went for an interview this morning for a handyman's job.
Interviewer said....
Nelson Mandela
Nelson Mandela is at home watching tv and having a beer when he hears a knock at the....
Two English Tourists
Two English tourists driving through Wales.
At....
Tigger
Why did tigger look in the toilet?
he was looking for....
Bar
A man walks into a bar.
The man says....
Always listen
There were 3 people on a slide and they were told that they would land in whatever they....
A joke not to tell your teacher
There were 3 boys called Trousers, Willy and Wee. They got to school early that day and....
Twins
A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt....
Wear white
You know you are always being told to "Wear something bright at night" on the TV and in....
Little jonny
Little Johnny is in school and it is near christmas time so the kids are giving presents....
Poker players
Poker players....
Lull your opponents into a false sense of security by....
Christmas
We were so poor in our house when we were young that on Christmas morning if you didn't....
|
To see the full joke, please click on the appropriate link below
Blow up doll
I like to fill my blow-up doll with helium so she plays hard to....
Politics exam
Failed my online Politics exam. The question was "Describe the role that India plays in....
In the jungle
Here's a crazy thought:
Why not make a version of 'I'm A Celebrity... Get Me....
Sex exercise?
They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but 2....
Shop work?
If I use the self-service tills in Tesco's, does that mean I can put down on my CV that....
On Safari
I was on a Safari in Africa last week and the tour guide was naming diffrent animal....
Racing snail
Just took the shell off my racing snail to see if it would make him faster.
It....
Wrong Joke?
There was this traveling salesman from California , headed to New York City. He was a....
Broken into
Came home to find all my doors had been smashed in and everything was....
Tax return
I was delighted the other day when the Inland Revenue wrote to me telling me that my tax....
New job
I have just started a new job, I am a comedian in an old folk's home. They don't....
Life saver
A lady began to choke.She gasped and gagged.I ran over to her, held both sides of her....
Crufts
'Streaker interrupts Crufts judging' The man has clearly got the concept of dogging all....
Complaints....
A man boarded a plane with six kids.
After they got settled in their seats a....
Most embarrassing moments
A radio station in Australia ran a phone-in competition to find the Most embarrassing....
Cow beliefs...
The belief and management systems of the world described through....
Cooking
No good at this cooking lark. I've done exactly what it says in the book 'Set the cooker....
Ads
These are classified ads, which were actually placed in a U.K. newspaper:
FREE....
Square testicles
An elderly woman walked into the Royal Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of....
Went to the movies....
I went to see that film "The Joneses" tonight. I didn't like it, I couldn't keep....
In an emergency...
Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, "If an emergency, notify:" I....
Horny panda....
A panda is feeling horny so he decides to find a prostitute.
When its over the....
Bus stop
As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became
Aware that....
A truly touching story...
As a piper, I play many gigs ... sometimes weddings, but more often funerals. Recently I....
Teaching reports
These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in
The New York....
Yellow 24
A man goes to the doctors feeling a little ill.
The doctor checks him over and....
3 some
I organized a threesome last night...There were a couple of no-shows but I still had a....
A woman gets onto a bus with a baby.
A woman gets onto bus carrying a little baby. The driver takes one look at the kid and....
Irish
Did you hear about the irish gynacologist?
He wallpapered his hall througgh the....
Wake up call
Surprise sex is the best way to wake up... unless you're in....
Fluctuations
When I got back from Montreal, I had a bunch of Canadian dollars
I needed to....
Man's best friend...
Woman is man's best friend.
She will never stand him up or let him down.
She....
Etch-A-Sketch FAQ
Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over the screen.
A:....
Fast game
What is the fastest game ever invented?
Pass the parcel at a Taliban's....
Cooking Korean style
I am thinking of making Korean style cauliflower cheese for lunch.
All I need....
Cheesy joke
I was walking down the street the other day when someone threw a block of cheese at my....
Idiot!
My teacher pointed at me with his ruler and said "at the end of this ruler is an idiot!"....
Condom kids?
A woman asks a man who is traveling with six children, "are all these kids....
Ferry trip
The ferry I took yesterday had both sides labelled as starboard.
Something....
Walruses
Q: Why do walruses go to Tupperware parties?
A: To find a tight....
Lesson in LIfe
A Lesson in Life
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some....
My sister
My sister keeps asking me why I put superglue on her hairbrush... she just can't let it....
Homeless guy
I'd just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips,
mushy peas....
Biology exam
I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things
commonly found in....
Fat girl in McDonalds
A fat girl served me food in McDonalds at lunch time. She said, 'Sorry about the wait.'....
Unattended bag
I don't like all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you
could....
Trivia competition
I had a Trivia competition won until the last question
which I got wrong. The....
Bacon tree
2 MEXICANS LOST IN THE DESSERT SEE A TREE IN THE DISTANCE DRIPPING WITH JUICY BACON. ONE....
Fastest
Q.whats the fastest cake in the world?
A. Scone!
Q. Whats the....
The german subnarine
Agerman submarine is at sea and it starts to sink the captain says to the radio operator....
I wanna see the cockpit!
A fellow passenger on 747 was excited bout being on an airplane for the first time so he....
The curious Farmer..
A young boy is walking across a farmers yard with chicken wire spread out. The farmer....
Parking spaces
What do parking spaces and virgins have in common?
The only ones you get are....
Worms
Why don't worms have balls?
Because they can't....
First the answer, then the question.
Dick Smothers. What happens when you leave your rubber on too....
What do you call
What do you call paper with holes in it
the holy....
Robbers
What do you call two robbers
a per of....
Never Use I with Is
Bjorn was taught to use "am" with "i" and he was tested by his teacher to see if he got....
Swimming pool
I got caught pissing in the swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted so loud....
|
